My journey towards my "new" normal!!
So, I've known for longer BUT yesterday was the "official" two week mark until my normal changes and I'm damn scared but .. what ya gonna do? You put your head down, plant your feet firmly, break out into as many cold sweats as come along and pray that you can handle "gracefully" whatever comes.
Ooooo, it's that word .. gracefully .. that gets me. I can handle anything but GRACEFULLY? Not when my knees are knocking!!
So .. what has me so verklempt .. SURGERY!!! Not on my toe or knee or substantial keister. Not a tummy tuck, a boob job OR a face lift .. nope .. surgery on my throat!! In search of one miserable, trouble-causing tumor. One that has raised enough hell with the chemistry of my body that it's now affecting my bones and my kidneys. GREAT!! Now it's forced me to stop ignoring it and face my greatest fear .. SURGERY .. on my throat! And this particular surgery has a high percentage of permanently ruined or seriously altered voices.
You can tell by my punctuation that I'm not a grammar major. You haven't come across my page because I'm a member of a family splashed daily across the tabloids, a world renowned philanthropist, mother of 2 (although I actually have 3 dogs and they are my "kids."). I'm a singer and what could scare a singer more than forgetting the lyrics in front a packed audience .. VOICE THREATENING SURGERY!!
Like I said, I've known about it for a while but something about the two week mark triggered not just the jitters but a decision to share this journey with someone .. you since you're reading this. Maybe you're facing something that is potentially life changing .. maybe you already have and you're just trying to reassure yourself that everything you're going through, whether gracefully or not, has been or is being faced by someone else and it might help you to feel less lonely in the dark knowing that lurking out there amidst the shadows and truly scary shit .. is everyone else!! Not so much as things that go bump in the dark but that are somehow reassuring.
Could be this blog is just me whistling in the dark and trying to find my way through the fear and hoping that I bump into a kindred spirit who brushes my shoulder and whispers, "You can handle this regardless of how it turns out!"
So, for a while, I'll be blogging .. sometimes more, sometimes less .. ain't that the way we do everything?
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#changes #tumor #surgery #fear #voice #singer #confidence #blahblahblah #courage